Denmark has very strict and clear rules about what an au pair is and is not expected to do. In contrast to the American system where it seems an au pair is largely only really expected to take care of the children and not to do chores around the house, in Europe au pairs are expected to help out with light household duties. This means that they should expect to do normal, chores related to keeping the house tidy but not the big ones like spring cleaning or window washing.
Possibly the reason for this difference is the prevalence of daycare in Denmark means au pairs are needed more to help around the house than to actually look after the children during the day. In our household what each au pair actually does has varied a bit, partly as our children have got older and their needs have changed, and partly related to the expertise of the different au pairs. We do not want having an au apir to replace our kids learning to do things themselves so we expect the children to help keep the play room and their bedrooms tidy and to help in setting the table and clearing up after meals (this is still a work in progress!).
The standard things we expect are:
- cleaning up after meals (we usually eat together as a family, the children are expected to take their own plates to the sink, we will gradually star them on filling and emptying the dishwasher as they get older)
- making packed lunches for the children on school days
- baby sitting for a few hours on weekends while we get other chores + things done in the house (but see below!)
- vacuuming round the house once per week
- folding and putting away the children’s clean laundry
- cleaning the bathroom once per week
- a small amount of ironing (only things that we can’t get away with not ironing!)
- taking or collecting children to/from daycare/school a few times per week
- occasionally preparing meals for children and very occasionally for the whole family
- babysitting in the evenings occasionally
- helping out with keeping the children’s rooms and play room tidy (though we expect our children to take ever more responsibility here so it’s often a matter of chivying them to tidy up).
- basic shopping for small items like bread, milk, eggs etc that need replenishing every few days.
Of course, we love to spend time with our kids but with work and other things, there just isn’t time to do everything, so for us an au pair is really there to take the pressure off in our daily life so we can really enjoy our time together with our children. Spending a weekend listening to your children squeal with joy is lovely, but if they are happily playing with someone else while you are only cleaning, cooking and tidying up, well, I would rather be playing with them myself!
As I travel often with my job, there is often only one parent at home and then the au pair is of course required to take a bigger role. We try to compensate by giving more time off the following week if necessary. This is considered acceptable under the danish rules.
What is not allowed is offering to pay for more hours, asking an au pair to work more than the 30 hours a week or expecting them to take care of sick or elderly family members.
Hope this helps anyone who is wondering if an au pair is for them, or if they should apply to become an au pair….
The Au Pair's Survival Guide 